Pug vs. Ke$ha

Hello All.  It's been a while since I've had a chance to blog.  Very busy, you know.  The new baby is getting old enough to pull on ears, so I've been spending most of my days in hiding under the couch.  It's been ok, because I've had some time to myself to kick back, listen to the radio and all around relax.  And speaking of listening to the radio, I'm a pug who loves the classics.  Whether it's some of the folk music of the 60's, Southern Rock of the 70's, Electro-punk of the 80's or Celine Dion from the 90's.  Um, scratch that last one.  Let's pretend I never mentioned Celine Dion.  But what I was thinking about was how little talent it takes to be on the radio today.  It's less about music and more about image and marketing.  How else can you explain Brittany Spears and Lady Gaga (sure would have liked to have been around when she wore that dress made out of steak!).  And Ke$ha.  Really?  I could put out music 10 times better than she does.  So that started me on a line of thought.  Could I really make it out in the world of pop music?  Granted, I'm not the normal face you see on teen magazines--It's true I have a better smile than Miley Cyrus, but my hair is much shorter than Justin Beiber.  So, I decided to try my hand at songwriting.  Often when a new artist is trying to break into a field, they start with a re-make of fan-favorite.  So why not do a re-make of Tik Tock.  If Ke$ha can make it work, surely I can.  I'll just tweak the words a little here and there to be more pug-appropriate.    Here goes:

Wake up in the morning like Rin Tin Tin
Jump out of the bed, wake my mamas--early rising's no sin
Before I leave I brush my teeth from the toilet bowl
Cause I'm Andy the Pug and that's how I roll

I'm talking get myself together
Head out in the weather
Digging up all my bones, bones
The yard's a construction zone, zone
Chase my tail--end up on my knees
wind up a little bit tipsy

Tik Tock, make it pop
I'm a Pug and I won't stop
Tonight I will fight
with the closest dog in sight
Tik Tock on the clock
But the pug-fest never stops,
no no no-o
no no no-o

Tik Tock, make it pop
I'm a Pug and I won't stop
Tonight I will fight
with the closest dog in sight
Tik Tock on the clock
But the pug-fest never stop,
no no no-o
no no no-o

Ain't got a care in the world cause my belly is full
Jumped on the table, found some doughnuts and I started to drool
I ate them all then moved on to see what's in the kitchen
Potato chips, left-over cheese--man, that breakfast was bitchin'

Move outside trying to find a little  dog who is sassy
but, I'll kick her to the curb unless she's looking like Lassie

I'm talking Pug out on the town, town
No one to slow me down down
Try to stay out of the pound, pound
Po-Po shut me down down

Tik Tock, make it pop
I'm a Pug and I won't stop
Tonight I will fight
with the closest dog in sight
Tik Tock on the clock
But the pug-fest never stops,

no no no-o
no no no-o

I raise my ears up
I hear a sound
And I start barking all around
Raise my voice up
Raise my voice up

Well the neighborhood won't sleep until I say so

Tik Tock, make it pop
I'm a Pug and I won't stop
Tonight I will fight
with the closest dog in sight
Tik Tock on the clock
But the pug-fest never stop,
no no no-o
no no no-o
Tik Tock, make it pop
I'm a Pug and I won't stop
Tonight I will fight
with the closest dog in sight
Tik Tock on the clock
But the pug-fest never stop,
no no no-o
no no no-o


Please Dear Readers, Let me know what you think of my abilities--should I sell all my belongings and leave for LA right away???

The first three letters of diet...

Well, the unthinkable has happened.  I have been deemed overweight.  Actually it's not so much the overweight part that's unthinkable as is the result of such labeling.  My mothers have seen fit to enforce a diet upon me, the likes of which have not been seen.  I'm receiving limited treats (hardly any at all) and am reduced to 1/3 cup of food in the morning and evening.  HOW CAN A PUG LIVE ON THIS???!!!! It remains to be seen.  Equally bad is that Rex and Lily are both on treat restriction too.  And, they know it's my fault.  Now everytime I turn the corner, one of them is waiting to beat the crap out of me.  Though the "Great Pug Smackdown" was a previous past time of these barbaric animals, the frequency has definitely increased. 
At any rate, because I'm a sensitive pug by nature, instead of fighting Rex and Lily back, I snuck off to the coimputer to write a poem about these tragice events.  I hope you enjoy my pain.

Love,
Andy (aka Pug)

Here I sit, a handsome pug
staring at my bowl
It's half empty, almost empty
And it chills me to my soul

Recently it was determined
I'd packed on a pound or two
So my mommies vowed to slim me down
And cut out half my food

And judging by most other pugs
Many are much fatter
I'm just a slightly pudgy pug--
That really shouldn't matter

This new diet is a brutal beast
the restrictions are insane
A pug must eat 8 meals a day
It's required for his brain

And yet, I find no pug snacks
No jerky made of chicken
No food straight from the table
And no more finger lickin'

No roast beef and no cookies
No Newtons made from fig
No sweet treats of piggie's feet
(i'd dance a little jig)

No more peanut butter
Nor trips to ice cream stores
No extra bites of kibble
No seconds, thirds, or more

I am quite faint with hunger
My knees are getting weak
I'm headed towards the light
And I can barely speak

I don't know how I'll manage
Or survive this tragic fate
It's only ten o'clock
(Breakfast was at eight)